The parenting course I'd like to teach.

[velvetpage]

If I taught high school, I'd be looking to create a parenting course similar to, but not identical to, some of those I've heard about.

Standard elements of a parenting course include some basic nutrition, how to manage a budget, simple made-from-scratch recipes, and baby-think-it-over dolls.

Mine would go a lot further.

I'd include some tips on how to start teaching independence. These include setting up the eating area to allow for mess, because mess is better than never letting your child feed herself; the peek-a-boo clothing game, where you pull a shirt on just to the eyes and let the toddler pull it the rest of the way and put in her arms; meeting accidents with, "Uh-oh! Better clean up!" and then helping them do that; and a dress-up chest for really fun practice. When they get to the age for homework, they should have some "together work" and some "alone work" every night - even if the alone work is colouring in a picture.

I'd include some lessons on fostering an interest in literacy. Among these: read, read, read, for yourself and for your child. A child who sees his parents reading the newspaper will eventually pick up a paper and pretend to read for himself. When he does that, ignore the sticky fingers and ask him about what he's "reading." Praise his made-up answers. Do similar things with writing. Have him draw a letter to a relative or to Santa, and let him tell you what he "wrote," then translate at the bottom. Let him sign birthday cards himself. While you make a grocery list, give him a flyer and let him make up his own "list."

I'd teach about learned helplessness - what it is, how it develops, and how to prevent it. In brief, this means: trust your child to do things kids can do. Show them how to do new things, practise with them, and then let them do it; praise their efforts even if it's not quite right. Let them experience success. Also, teach them to play on their own sometimes. It's far too easy to fall into the trap of always entertaining your child, and yet the ability to play alone is crucial to surviving elementary school, where they need to be able to work alone and solve problems alone. Encouraging kids' innate desire to "help" is essential, so let them play with a plastic cup in the dishwater while you dry. Again, a bit of mess is worth the lessons learned.

I'd teach how to approach a parent-teacher relationship, and how to improve your child's odds in the school system. This includes following through on homework, regular communication, and reinforcement of basic school skills like organization.

I'd teach basic elements of discipline - two chances to time out, how to conduct a time-out, how to handle temper tantrums at home and elsewhere, how to give good attention for appropriate behaviour, and most importantly: consistent messages. A child whose parents are constantly disrespecting the adults in their lives will learn that he's allowed to disrespect adults in his life.

In other words, I'd like to give high school students a basic course in early childhood education. And I'd like it to be a mandatory course for all kids graduating, because about 80% of them will be parents at some point or another.

Comments

[greybeta.livejournal.com]

Sometimes I feel like my parents never let me develop my own abilities. I am twenty one and have never mowed my lawn ever, because I am a spoiled brat and I know I don't have to do it. Although, I'm trying to be better, it's hard to break bad habits.

Also, I remember my psychology AP teacher warning us that 75% of our class would have a kid by the time we were 25. That was within seven to eight years. Most. Awkward. Silence. Ever.

[collie13.livejournal.com]

I went back and visited my high school after a year or so of college, during summer break. One of my former teachers actually asked me where my baby was -- apparently I was the only woman to return and talk with him who didn't have a child on my hip.

Those poor kids, having kids of their own before they've had a chance to learn how to be adults. :(

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I visited my sister's high school shortly after Elizabeth was born. My sister was carrying her, because the school is on three floors and strollers were awkward. I've never seen so many disappointed looks suddenly turn to relief when informed that the baby was her NIECE. And several teachers told her about classmates of hers who had had children since graduation less than a year before.

I know a few women who had their kids at nineteen or twenty, then went back to school and got their degrees. One is now a doctor of child psychology; her kids are eleven and nine. But the women who manage that are few and far between; most who have babies at that age will be stuck in dead-end, low-wage jobs, probably their entire lives - and that's the ones who manage to stay off of welfare. It's sad.

[collie13.livejournal.com]

It's stories like that which make me wish there were more ways to help girls like them.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

You know, by the time I was twenty-five I was married and about to start a teaching career, and I was a year older than many people in my class at teachers' college because I had taken a year to go on exchange. I know several people from that class got pregnant during their first year teaching, which would have put them around 25.

I also know a lot of girls who married guys a year or two older than they were, so when they decided to start a family at 23, fresh out of university or college, their husbands were 25 and had been in their careers for a year or two already.

If it was a high school class, many of those would have been teen pregnancies, unplanned. But it's possible to start a family before 25 and have it be good timing for all concerned - especially since a woman's peak fertility is actually between the ages of 18 and 22. (That doesn't mean I think 18-year-olds should be having all the kids - but it does mean I'd support any effort designed to help young women continue with their education while raising the families produced during those years.)