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Nov. 21st, 2006
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The discussion was about teaching children to sleep through the night - arguably one of the most divisive topics in parenting. We got as far as agreeing that parenting has been professionalized in the last few decades, to the point where there are wildly different schools of thought on the best way to do it. Many of them have one thing in common, though. They all suggest that if you do A, B, and C, you will end up with a favourable outcome (i.e. a well-adjusted adult) over the long-term. The fact is, it isn't that simple. Sometimes you will do everything right, and still end up with a troubled child, whether due to the child's personality, or illness, or some unforeseen circumstance. Parenting isn't a science experiment.
What I forgot to add was that, though I agree that a good outcome is never assured when you're talking about human beings, I still believe it's important to choose how you will parent your children. The reason: parents who choose how they are going to fulfill their parental duties are engaging in their role. Higher engagement leads to higher achievement most of the time. (This is one of the reasons why children in alternative educational settings, like French Immersion, often do better than their counterparts; their parents made a choice for them and had a vested interest in seeing it succeed, whereas the parents who went with the default educational setting have not all made a similar choice - many have simply gone with the flow.) I don't think any parenting system is going to guarantee a good result, but I do think that adopting any parenting system - no matter which one you use, or which ones you cobble together for yourself - is an act of good parenting all on its own.
Making active choices in parenting increases the odds that your children will grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults.
There are few exceptions to this maxim in my mind. The first is things like extreme religious compounds, though it could be argued that these do not fulfill the "best interests of the children" criteria. The second is choosing not to vaccinate your children; there are very, very few cases where not vaccinating is the right choice. (Basically, severe allergic reactions to initial vaccines, and a deficient immune system, are the only two good reasons.)
What I forgot to add was that, though I agree that a good outcome is never assured when you're talking about human beings, I still believe it's important to choose how you will parent your children. The reason: parents who choose how they are going to fulfill their parental duties are engaging in their role. Higher engagement leads to higher achievement most of the time. (This is one of the reasons why children in alternative educational settings, like French Immersion, often do better than their counterparts; their parents made a choice for them and had a vested interest in seeing it succeed, whereas the parents who went with the default educational setting have not all made a similar choice - many have simply gone with the flow.) I don't think any parenting system is going to guarantee a good result, but I do think that adopting any parenting system - no matter which one you use, or which ones you cobble together for yourself - is an act of good parenting all on its own.
Making active choices in parenting increases the odds that your children will grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults.
There are few exceptions to this maxim in my mind. The first is things like extreme religious compounds, though it could be argued that these do not fulfill the "best interests of the children" criteria. The second is choosing not to vaccinate your children; there are very, very few cases where not vaccinating is the right choice. (Basically, severe allergic reactions to initial vaccines, and a deficient immune system, are the only two good reasons.)