Purposeful Ramblings Through My Mind

I was in a room at the hospital, in early labour, with my water broken - and nothing much happening. An OR was being prepped for me. There were contractions, but they were short and five minutes apart - not how you want them to be, five hours after your water breaks.

Claire was born at 10:21. The OR staff kept remarking on how alert she was, and how porcelain her skin was, and, "Look at all that hair!" "She's going to be a redhead!" Within half an hour I was in the recovery room, with the midwife giving Claire her once-over and my mom there for me. That was when Claire's clicky hips were first diagnosed - within an hour of birth. I nursed her, and she latched on beautifully right from the start, staring up at me with those big eyes that have changed colour, but never spirit. I sang her her first lullaby as she nursed.

Happy birthday, my Claire bear. I'm such a lucky woman, to have the privilege of being your mommy.

The discussion was about teaching children to sleep through the night - arguably one of the most divisive topics in parenting. We got as far as agreeing that parenting has been professionalized in the last few decades, to the point where there are wildly different schools of thought on the best way to do it. Many of them have one thing in common, though. They all suggest that if you do A, B, and C, you will end up with a favourable outcome (i.e. a well-adjusted adult) over the long-term. The fact is, it isn't that simple. Sometimes you will do everything right, and still end up with a troubled child, whether due to the child's personality, or illness, or some unforeseen circumstance. Parenting isn't a science experiment.

What I forgot to add was that, though I agree that a good outcome is never assured when you're talking about human beings, I still believe it's important to choose how you will parent your children. The reason: parents who choose how they are going to fulfill their parental duties are engaging in their role. Higher engagement leads to higher achievement most of the time. (This is one of the reasons why children in alternative educational settings, like French Immersion, often do better than their counterparts; their parents made a choice for them and had a vested interest in seeing it succeed, whereas the parents who went with the default educational setting have not all made a similar choice - many have simply gone with the flow.) I don't think any parenting system is going to guarantee a good result, but I do think that adopting any parenting system - no matter which one you use, or which ones you cobble together for yourself - is an act of good parenting all on its own.

Making active choices in parenting increases the odds that your children will grow into healthy, well-adjusted adults.

There are few exceptions to this maxim in my mind. The first is things like extreme religious compounds, though it could be argued that these do not fulfill the "best interests of the children" criteria. The second is choosing not to vaccinate your children; there are very, very few cases where not vaccinating is the right choice. (Basically, severe allergic reactions to initial vaccines, and a deficient immune system, are the only two good reasons.)