The Christmas Assembly
Dec. 13th, 2004 02:53 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
velvetpageOr, A Blow-By-Blow Description of My Worst Impulse Ever
(Well, not quite the worst. One of the worst job-related impulses, anyway.)
Two weeks ago, I overheard the principal commenting on how no one had signed up to have their class put on the Christmas assembly. (We have assemblies every Monday afternoon, and each class has to sign up for two during the year.) I talked to my music classes, both of them, and asked if they wanted to volunteer. They did, so we learned one new Christmas song, brushed up on the other two, learned the French words to one, and generally got ourselves ready. The music part of this assembly went absolutely fine. They sang well, I managed to fit in most of the chords that were supposed to be there in spite of my cold, stiff hands, and things were good.
Then I decided that three short songs, totalling eight lines of music, were not enough for an assembly. So I typed out Elizabeth's "Snow What Fun" book (thereby breaking a whole bunch of copyright laws) and photocopied it for my grade 5's. This was where the problems began.
First, it was too long. I should have had several groups of four or five kids doing each stanza. Second, the stick-puppet snowmen were way too ambitious. Not the construction; that was fine. No, the problem was the metre sticks. We managed to find enough, and we managed to tape them to the backs of our snowmen, but my kids could NOT manage to stop PLAYING with the darn things long enough to actually recite the poem!
We got to the line that goes, "They greeted each other with hugs and high-fiving." I wanted all the snowmen to rise up over the heads of their puppeteers, high-five in the air, then sink back down to below head-level before the laughter stopped so we could go on with the next stanza. My kids would not settle down for it. It took nearly a minute to get everyone's attention again after the two attempts to practise that bit.
After two more episodes like that, I gave up. I picked eight people who had not been fooling around, divided up the lines amongst them, had them leave the group and stand at the front, and they recited instead of the whole class. I broke a cardinal rule of assemblies in the process: everyone has to have a part. I didn't care. I was not about to reward that kind of behaviour with more attention from the audience.
So my kids missed social studies, math, most of French and one recess in order to get ready for a part in an assembly that most of them didn't do. Meanwhile, I strained my voice again, I missed my own lunch entirely, the custodian was so upset with the state of my room that my kids didn't get to go outside and play as I had promised they could until they had cleaned it, and everyone involved has a headache.
When I told the kids of the change in plans, I had one kid (Mr. Talkalot, for those of you following this journal over the last several weeks) tell me the problem was my own lack of patience. I came closer to truly losing it at him than I have come all year. These kids don't realize it, but they've never seen me lose it. So far, they're the only class I've ever taught that hasn't. I don't do it often, because it doesn't work; generally, whatever the situation was to cause the explosion will be worsened by it.
So, lessons learned before I assign this post to my memories for the NEXT time I volunteer for an assembly:
1) Give myself and my class more than a week's notice.
2) Choose several small items rather than one big one, and have them divide up to work on them.
3) Have the practising done BEFORE the day of the performance. (In my defense, the problem was not my planning so much as my illness; much of this would have been done on Friday if I'd been here.)
4) DON'T VOLUNTEER FOR CHRISTMAS ASSEMBLIES. There's a reason why no one else did. They are hell. There's too much going on the week before Christmas to make practices any fun at all.
I'm going to do something calm for forty-five minutes, like mark math tests. And I'm not saying another word to anyone until I pick up Elizabeth.
(Well, not quite the worst. One of the worst job-related impulses, anyway.)
Two weeks ago, I overheard the principal commenting on how no one had signed up to have their class put on the Christmas assembly. (We have assemblies every Monday afternoon, and each class has to sign up for two during the year.) I talked to my music classes, both of them, and asked if they wanted to volunteer. They did, so we learned one new Christmas song, brushed up on the other two, learned the French words to one, and generally got ourselves ready. The music part of this assembly went absolutely fine. They sang well, I managed to fit in most of the chords that were supposed to be there in spite of my cold, stiff hands, and things were good.
Then I decided that three short songs, totalling eight lines of music, were not enough for an assembly. So I typed out Elizabeth's "Snow What Fun" book (thereby breaking a whole bunch of copyright laws) and photocopied it for my grade 5's. This was where the problems began.
First, it was too long. I should have had several groups of four or five kids doing each stanza. Second, the stick-puppet snowmen were way too ambitious. Not the construction; that was fine. No, the problem was the metre sticks. We managed to find enough, and we managed to tape them to the backs of our snowmen, but my kids could NOT manage to stop PLAYING with the darn things long enough to actually recite the poem!
We got to the line that goes, "They greeted each other with hugs and high-fiving." I wanted all the snowmen to rise up over the heads of their puppeteers, high-five in the air, then sink back down to below head-level before the laughter stopped so we could go on with the next stanza. My kids would not settle down for it. It took nearly a minute to get everyone's attention again after the two attempts to practise that bit.
After two more episodes like that, I gave up. I picked eight people who had not been fooling around, divided up the lines amongst them, had them leave the group and stand at the front, and they recited instead of the whole class. I broke a cardinal rule of assemblies in the process: everyone has to have a part. I didn't care. I was not about to reward that kind of behaviour with more attention from the audience.
So my kids missed social studies, math, most of French and one recess in order to get ready for a part in an assembly that most of them didn't do. Meanwhile, I strained my voice again, I missed my own lunch entirely, the custodian was so upset with the state of my room that my kids didn't get to go outside and play as I had promised they could until they had cleaned it, and everyone involved has a headache.
When I told the kids of the change in plans, I had one kid (Mr. Talkalot, for those of you following this journal over the last several weeks) tell me the problem was my own lack of patience. I came closer to truly losing it at him than I have come all year. These kids don't realize it, but they've never seen me lose it. So far, they're the only class I've ever taught that hasn't. I don't do it often, because it doesn't work; generally, whatever the situation was to cause the explosion will be worsened by it.
So, lessons learned before I assign this post to my memories for the NEXT time I volunteer for an assembly:
1) Give myself and my class more than a week's notice.
2) Choose several small items rather than one big one, and have them divide up to work on them.
3) Have the practising done BEFORE the day of the performance. (In my defense, the problem was not my planning so much as my illness; much of this would have been done on Friday if I'd been here.)
4) DON'T VOLUNTEER FOR CHRISTMAS ASSEMBLIES. There's a reason why no one else did. They are hell. There's too much going on the week before Christmas to make practices any fun at all.
I'm going to do something calm for forty-five minutes, like mark math tests. And I'm not saying another word to anyone until I pick up Elizabeth.
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(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-13 11:41 pm (UTC)Seek peace.
And thank the Lord the term is nearly over.
It looks as though I may be coerced into being Santa on Friday for the limbs of Satan in the Junior school. And if you think you were under rehearsed and ill prepared you haven't experienced the horror of donning the beard and boots before getting swamped by a horde of undisciplined rugrats...and you can't see through the false hair, and can't walk because they literally seethe around you.
Every year I say never again and every year....
I must try and get images with my little digicam. Then I can play for sympathy.
(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-14 01:49 am (UTC)Have them set up some rules before you arrive - like, "Santa's going to come in over HERE while we're sitting on the carpet. Then when he's in his chair, you can go up two at a time to see him." They shouldn't be allowed to swarm you, and a little bit of discipline is essential even on party days. In fact, I'd suggest that you need to be assured you won't be mobbed before you agree to come. They're teachers; they'll find a way to make it happen so it's better than before, if you tell them that before was a problem.
That would be my suggestion, anyhow.
I very much look forward to seeing the pictures. I wonder if Elizabeth will look at you as Santa and say, "Opa! Opa!"
(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-14 02:16 pm (UTC)Yes - they are teachers (sister is anyway, been a Head in her day) but they're family *shudder*
(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-14 03:46 pm (UTC)(no subject)
Date: 2004-12-14 05:37 pm (UTC)I have a 'tache but usually take it off for the Season...and cotton wool eyebrows.
My wellies are Green, too, italian knock offs of the "Range Rover" Dunlop types.
I suppose I could try for a beard , I'm greying but I tend to look like a tramp...