Kids in restaurants: Daters vs. Breeders

[velvetpage]

A good article, from the National Post, via gnolyn: Remember this before you give breeders those nasty looks: we're you, in ten years.

I make an effort to ensure that my children are behaving appropriately in a restaurant. It's part of the job. They don't run around, scream, throw tantrums, or otherwise disrupt other diners. I'm trying to teach Elizabeth that the other diners don't want her to engage them in conversation, and I often ask for a table that's a bit out-of-the-way in case Claire gets screechy. Serving staff often compliment us on their behaviour - both of them. So why shouldn't we take our well-behaved children to a place where they can make good use of their best manners and have a treat, just like adults do? I promise to deal with them if they step way out of line.

Comments

[firesign10.livejournal.com]

Great link! We stick with our 3 "family"-type restaurants, try not to go when the kids are not overtired/over-hungry (really, just Mr Bear, Furuba9 is old enough for anything), and always bring a couple of little toys for him to play with. He's always gone out, and he knows how to behave when we eat out now. We've done the whisk-outside for a calmong moment. He knows not to run around, to play quietly until his food comes, to not stare at the other diners. It IS a treat, for them AND for the tired mommy & daddy! :-)

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

And honestly, how will they know how to behave appropriately in public if we don't take them OUT in public?

I can even take T out, under certain circumstances. Most of the time you can't even tell anything is 'wrong' with him. (but when it goes wrong, it is catastrophic)

And anyone who goes to family friendly places (hint, if they have a kiddy menu, that counts), and gets pissed off because kids are there, deserves their sour puss.

When we have time alone (we lunch together) we go to places where we are less likely to find kids. Like Thai places. Or here, a lot of bars have decent food. Anyplace WITHOUT a kid's menu.

[melstra.livejournal.com]

Good article. I agree with you and the other commenters. Last November (when Max was just shy of a year) we went to a really nice place for my birthday (no kids menu!) and were seated in a lovely little romantic corner (I think they confused us with the couple there for their anniversary). We were seated right across from an obvious pair of "daters". We gave them an understanding smile as we came in, and proceeded to set up our portable high chair,etc. We had a lovely meal and Max was perfect. As we got up to leave, the couple came over and said "Wow! When we saw you come in, we thought that our special night was ruined...but your kid was amazing! We barely knew you were here!" *SMILE*

[collie13.livejournal.com]

My sweetie loves kids, and doesn't mind them leaning over and staring -- he grins and waves at them! -which often makes them immediately duck down self-consciously, peek cautiously, and then end up playing a game of hide-and-seek with him... ;)

My issue is with what I suspect you already know how to deal with, and have taught your children is not appropriate: the child incessantly screaming or crying. Even then, we don't blame the child -- we blame the parent who does nothing. Our hearts go out to the parents trying their best to calm the child.

Also, we try to be fair and operate under the same parameters of positive reinforcement we like used on ourselves. If the children are wonderfully behaved, we try to offer a compliment or thank them. It's always nice to see the slightly wary expressions on the faces of the parents dissolve into pride and pleasure, when we do that. ;)

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

My boundary is about two minutes. If the crying is going on longer than that, I take the child out. If it's a temper tantrum, I don't wait that long: that child gets marched to the car and stays there while the rest of the party eats. It's hard on the parent who has to stay with her, but it works. Fortunately, I've never had to do it in a restaurant, though I've been known to take Elizabeth out of a grocery store and leave half a cart of groceries behind in their cold storage until I could get back for it.

I, also, make a point of complimenting parents who are attempting to discipline their offspring in public, especially if it's working.

[collie13.livejournal.com]

I commend your parenting skills -- I wish more parents felt as you did! ;)

[kibbles.livejournal.com]

I suspect there may be a bit more good parents than you realize...or at least adequate ones. People notice the REALLY good oens or the ones good in difficult situations, or of course the really bad ones. I think the ones that just go un noticed are pretty good too.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I agree. I've done my job well if most people barely notice me with my kids in tow, and if my kids are still having a good time even with those limits on their behaviour. In fact, since kids seek limits on their behaviour, they usually have a better time when they're being good than when they're being bad.

[mrsduck42.livejournal.com]

Lorne and I end up staring at the kids instead of the other way around. I guess it's because we want one so badly. :)

I've never thought badly of anyone for having their kid in a restaurant. I've been annoyed, like the others have said, when the parent won't do anything. However, I'm more bothered by incredibly loud adults on cell phones or the extreme rednecks we run into with their bellies hanging out of their pants and no manners to speak of.

Lorne has actually gotten kids in trouble in restaurants by playing peek-a-boo with them. :)

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I think I like your husband. :)

[mrsduck42.livejournal.com]

He will make a good Daddy if we are ever given that opportunity. It's getting discouraging, but we're working on it.

The trouble with cell phones

[hendrikboom.livejournal.com]

If people are talking, and one is have trouble hearing the other, whether because the voice is too quiet or because of distance or high ambient noise, that one tends to talk louder to make sure the other person can hear properly. Under normal circumstances, when the situation is symmetrical, this helps communication, and I suspect the tendency to do so may be hard-wired,

This leads to two situations where things go wrong:

(1) deaf people tend to shout

(2) people using very quiet cell phones tend to shout.

[merlyn4401.livejournal.com]

I have not had to actually leave a restaurant with a child in at least 6 months. But I swear, I HATE the prejudgement when we walk in to Olive Garden or Carrabas or another upper-end-family-friendly choice. :p

[lovmelovmycats.livejournal.com]

My Elizabeth is an easygoing kid. She was an easy infant, and I took her in her stroller into very nice restaurants where she slept through many meals. I would not be able to take her places like that now that she's 18 months, and I'm seeing the beginnings of the toddler "terrible twos" behavior. Still, I think she's quite an easy kid for her age. I'm lucky.
My neighbor has a hyper and drama-loving three year old who reminds me how lucky I am!
I was offended by the reader comment at the end of the article, where the "Dater" told "Breeders" not to bring their children on airplanes.
I would like to give that "Dater" a dose of guilt like this: "We are an active duty military family, living thousands of miles away from our home. Flying is the only way for us to reunite with our larger family on a regular basis. Would you deny our parents the chance to see their young granddaughter once every six months to a year?"

[mairesue.livejournal.com]

I like this article.

I take my kidlets to places (restaurants, museum, coffee shops, stores, church) and I expect them to behave. I think that is one of ways we teach our children how to behave in society.