PoAC: On Compassion

[velvetpage]

This was written in response to a "firestarter" article on collie13's website. The article was about her reaction to a comment in a book by the Dali Lama about practising compassion, and how she had trouble with that concept and its baseline requirement - trusting others.

I was taken with the concept, because I believe compassion is one of the most widely-sought and oft-missed qualities we aspire to as human beings. So, I ask you: what does compassion mean to you?



I don't usually have problems with trusting too little, though interestingly enough, I also grew up moving from place to place every few years. Maybe the reason is my basically effective parents - though they had issues, at no point have I ever doubted that they loved me and wanted what is best for me. Whatever the reason, trust does not come hard to me, so I tend to be an open book with my friends.

When I consider the idea of trusting others on a more general level, one thought springs to mind: most people are basically decent folk, trying hard to make it through life with their emotional and physical security intact. Most people are not out to hurt others.

This is one of my core beliefs. It's an essential part of my worldview, and I want it to be an essential part of my children's worldview as well, because for the most part, it allows me to see other people's actions, not as being AGAINST me, but as being protective of themselves. I may not agree with how they do it - their methods may actually make me quite angry, and I'm quite vocal when I'm angry - but I can usually find a way to see their side of things because of this belief. As you pointed out, their actions aren't about me - but how I view their actions generally is.

This means that I'm often willing to give the benefit of the doubt in cases where others might not. For example, for an awful lot of people especially right now, the term "pro-life" is almost a swear word. They see pro-lifers primarily as trying to take away the choice of other people. That viewpoint, though, is centered on the "out-to-get-others" view of people's actions. If we look at it from the point of view of "out-to-protect-myself" worldview, we get a very different picture. We get a picture of someone whose compassion is centred around a baby who has absolutely no say in anything that is going on. It's safe to empathize with a baby. They can't refute, they can't hurt, they have in fact no concept of self or others as of yet. A baby is a symbol of all that is possible in the world, and for a firm pro-lifer, abortion is like killing a little bit of the hope in a world that needs all the hope it can get. Many pro-lifers - certainly the ones I know - are wonderful, compassionate people with whom I agree on many issues. Seeing their viewpoint in this light, I can forgive them for its rigidity, not because they're right - I don't actually believe that they are - but because their viewpoint is so firmly embedded in self-protection, protection of their own reasons to hope for the future of humanity, that I can see where they've come fromand where they're trying to go.

Which brings us to forgiveness. To me, compassion is about forgiving people for being human, and accepting that their pain and
suffering will sometimes be the result of their own poor choices. It also means agreeing to help them even so, based on need rather than merit. Anyone who expects people to always make good choices, and won't help them if they haven't, lacks a fundamental requirement for compassion. A compassionate person can see where another went wrong; can evaluate the "should haves" in the situation; and still decides to forgive that person their human imperfections of choice, and help them to improve their situation so as to make better choices in the future. Christian activism should come down to this. The first principle of Christian social aid is to meet people where they are - wherever that may be - forgive them for it, and help them move to a better place, one step at a time. All three are essential to a practice of compassion. Inherent in that idea is the fact that the forgiveness needs to be broad, covering both things they've done that have no impact on me and things that have actually hurt me personally. The idea here is, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." This is not about not being aware of their own actions; it doesn't let them off the hook for those. It does, however, admit
that their actions are about THEM, not about the person they've hurt; they are quite likely unaware of that, because they aren't ready yet to see it. That prayer, in the context in which it was uttered, is the epitome of compassion. It forgives those who have hurt him; it sees that their choices were made to be about them, not about him; and it is uttered when he is paying the biggest price possible in order to help them, neither in spite of nor because of the hurt but just because they need the help.

Comments

[ymf.livejournal.com]

When I consider the idea of trusting others on a more general level, one thought springs to mind: most people are basically decent folk, trying hard to make it through life with their emotional and physical security intact. Most people are not out to hurt others.

I would agree with you on that, but it's more something which I have to constantly remind myself to do, than something that comes naturally to me. As for compassion... It's not easy for me to forgive and forget. It's not something I'm very proud of either. But I think that as long as I see that someone else, one who has offended me in the past, really needs help I will give it.

psst. it's Dalai Lama eh? (=

[sassy-fae.livejournal.com]

Hmm. I'll have to think about this one. I consider myself a very compassionate person, but I do not trust easily at all.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I would agree that you're basically a compassionate person. Most people who last long in a child-centred career are, and the more burnout you experience, the more likely you are to be a very compassionate person. The trust isn't necessary in most casually compassionate acts; it's only necessary when one has been hurt enough that the innate compassion might be superceded by negative emotions.

So I guess the real question is: how do you react when people who have hurt you turn out to need compassion from you - that is, active compassion, the kind that requires real action and interaction with them?

[paka.livejournal.com]

I know that your opinion is pretty set on this one, but I wanted to point out that us pro-choice people have compassion on our side, too.

The same way the pro-lifers you mention might see an innocent, defenseless fetus, with all the hopes and promise of the future, as someone deserving compassion, that's exactly how we feel about children who deserve compassion, about women - especially vulnerable teenagers - who deserve more compassion. These too are important lives full of promise, lives that could be really messed up or even lost if the right to have a simple abortion were to be denied.

You say To me, compassion is about forgiving people for being human, and accepting that their pain and
suffering will sometimes be the result of their own poor choices. It also means agreeing to help them even so, based on need rather than merit. And I can't think of a better argument for keeping abortion safe and legal than that.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

And that's exactly why I think the firm pro-lifers are missing the point. In their rush of compassion for the baby, many of them have discounted the mother and the compassion she needs. The reason I would never support a ban on abortions is that I have compassion for women who find themselves pregnant without having planned it that way. That makes me, in my own terminology, a personal pro-lifer but a public pro-choicer.