Crying It Out - Night the Second

[velvetpage]

Okay, it began again, night two, two minutes ago. I put her in her crib, and she realized what was happening before I got her properly covered and started to scream. But the rule is five minutes, so I have, now, two minutes more to go.

I can't remember if I put the side of the crib up. But she doesn't usually try to climb out, so I guess I'll find out in one and a half minutes - sooner if I hear a thump.

This is not an exercise for the faint of heart. I've never exerted as much willpower as I am right now, to keep myself from going in there. I know this is for the best, so it's going to happen. End of story.

Unfortunately, it's not the end of the story. She's still crying. We went in, put the side of the crib up, made sure Piglet and Pooh were keeping her company and that each of us, and each of them, had kissed her goodnight. She'll learn, and she'll be stronger for it. Discipline, after all, just means "teaching". I'm teaching her how to put herself to sleep. It's a very important lesson, and she's at the right age to learn it. I don't know if I can handle the lesson, but I know the consequences of doing this are much better for all concerned than the consequences of not doing it, of going on as we were. This is a part of parenthood. I have to keep telling myself these things, or I'll lose focus and go in to her.

Five more minutes before the next visit. She's quieter now, sobbing gently into Pooh bear, probably. It's easier to take than the screaming. She's really, really tired tonight, which should speed things up. I can't imagine trying this when she hasn't had a busy day. Fortunately, she was out with her aunt all afternoon. They bought Spiderman pj's (her choice), ate Vietnamese food with chopsticks and everything, and went to a different park from our usual one. She was already rubbing her eyes when she got back at 6:00, and it's now two minutes to nine. Two more minutes to go.

She hasn't thrown up this evening, probably because I gave her her bottle an hour before bedtime tonight. She wanted it, badly, and she might have fallen asleep right after that if I'd let her. But I didn't want to take the easy way out - it would only have made tomorrow harder to bear. One more minute.

When they're fresh and pink (or yellow, as she was) from birth, you make all kinds of promises about how you'll never hurt them, you'll be the best of parents, you'll never let anyone make them cry and you'll never make them cry yourself. It's a good thing babies aren't born contract lawyers, because there's no way to stick to those promises. Life isn't like that. But in those first days of babymoon, it seems possible to promise that and mean it. And of course, you're really promising to help them live life, and learn to live life, to the fullest and in the best way they can. That promise is okay. It's good. But it's not always comfortable, and this is one of the times when comfort is a long way away. In fact, I'd walk over hot coals in bare feet right now if it would make her go to sleep this minute.

She stayed lying down for a minute after the last visit. She also allowed us to cover her up with Piglet, which is a very good sign. Of course, she didn't stay down, but then, it's only been eighteen minutes. For the second night, we're doing pretty well. Eleven minutes before I can go in again. We're in the fifteen-minute stretch. THis one seems to last forever.

Last night she woke up about an hour after going to sleep. I was dead to the world, so Pyat got her. He picked her up, and she closed her eyes, sighed, and went back to sleep instantly. She just wanted a bit of comfort. I'd love to give her some right now, but I can't. I mustn't. Nine more minutes. No, eight.

I'm going to go do the rest of my livejournalling. I'll read through the bluebooking in Riddocksdawn, maybe do my email. I don't think I can dwell on this like this and stay sane through to the other side.

But she's quieter for longer stretches tonight. It's getting better.

Comments

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

It's the end of the fifteen-minute interval, and I haven't heard anything for five minutes. I'm not going to go in right now. If I hear anything more, I'll go in immediately, but I think she's asleep. That was only half an hour, start to finish! Much better than last night.

[lousy-timing.livejournal.com]

Better than last night! Oh, that's good news! If all goes well, then tomorrow will be better, too.

So, sooooo hard, these things we do. Good job being tough in the name of love, mom and dad. You haven't hurt her, despite how much I know it feels otherwise.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

Thanks! Now if only she'll co-operate tomorrow when Daddy's away, we'll be all set. *crosses fingers hopefully*

[jadecat.livejournal.com]

Stay strong. :) While never having to do this with my own kids, I have a really good imagination (and remember babysitting). My mom was a strong believer in the 'cry out' method, and we're all fine. *twitch* no... really. ;)

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

My mom did it too, with all of us at some point. I know it works, usually, and it's getting better, but it's heartrending.

THanks.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

*hug*hug*hug*

It sounds like it's getting easier. The way the books all say it will.

Best of luck and will,
Bard

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

The real test, of course, is tonight while Piet's away. We'll see how it goes.

Isn't Rhys about the same age as Elizabeth? You guys must be comtemplating stuff like this, too.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

He's ten months old, which is a great deal younger at this age, as you well know. Two weeks ago we started letting him cry some at sleeping times, and, mirabilis scriptu, he cried for six minutes and fell asleep. He's mostly been doing OK at night after that.

Naps are another matter...

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I thought he was older than that. I know people who told me when I babysat their son to put him in his crib at bedtime and walk away. He cried for five minutes every night, then fell asleep. I snuck back up twenty minutes later to cover him up, and all was peachy until morning.

Naps are always another matter. With Oma in the spring, Elizabeth used to give herself a bottle and go promptly to sleep on the sofa. With me, I have to go through a whole song and dance routine to induce sleep - or simply put her in the stroller or the car and let nature take its course.

This, too shall pass. And it looks like you won't have to go through what we're doing.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Rhys is terrible at napping, no matter who is doing what.

And no, we might skip that one problem. We'll get our share of others, to be sure!

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

My mother-in-law says that Piet stopped napping entirely before he was a year old. When they went to college and the daycare insisted on putting him down for a nap in the afternoon, he used to be up at 3:00 a.m. riding his tricycle around the apartment. Talk about parenting hell.