Crying it Out

[velvetpage]

I have fifteen minutes to kill, so this is me, writing it out.

My daughter is in the next room, bawling. She probably has a sore throat by now, because she’s been crying pretty much non-stop for forty-five minutes. We started at 9:30. We went in five minutes later to discover that she had thrown up all over her sheet, quilt, and the carpet. Fortunately, she missed Pooh Bear, so he’s still there even if we’re not.

We changed her, put down old receiving blankets in place of the crib sheet, washed down her and me and the carpet, gave her some gripe water (which is liquid baking soda solution, a.k.a. Tums for babies) to take the nasty taste out of her mouth, read her a book, and put her down again, now fifteen minutes behind. Since then, we’ve been back in twice. She must have pretty much emptied her stomach, because she hasn’t thrown up again, but she’s cried and cried and cried. Going in settles her until about ten seconds before we leave the room. As soon as we try to lay her down, she screams and scrambles up. She’s sweaty, especially her hair, and she sounds like her heart is breaking. I know mine is.

She’s stopped. In fact, she’s been stopped for about a minute now. It’s not just a pause between screams. Even if she starts again, I’ll know that she did, briefly, stop. I’m beginning to see a light at the end of this long, dark tunnel of parenting. If I can teach her to go to sleep on her own, the moon and the stars can be ours.

I’m babbling because I know if I stop typing, I’m likely to break all my resolutions and go in there. I want to know if she stuffed some quilt down her throat and she’s stopped crying because she’s blue in the face. I want to know if, by some miracle, this has actually worked, after almost exactly one hour. But I know that if I go in too soon, and wake her up, we have it to do all over again for another twenty minutes. So I’m sticking to the plan. I’m not going in until 10:45, come hell or high water.

Actually, that’s not true. If anything serious came, I’d go in. But it sounds like she’s gone to sleep. Piet just got out of the shower, the noise of which probably helped lull her to sleep. Since I didn’t sing to her this evening, she certainly needed something to do that. Maybe the sound of the typing helped, too.

Still nothing. It’s been five minutes. This is sounding very, very promising. Blessed silence, blessed sleep, blessed oblivion for my tormented little girl. . . oh, god, I’m getting maudlin. This is really tough. I’m going in, two minutes early, because I can’t stand it anymore.

She’s asleep. She looks like she keeled over in mid-scream, which is probably the literal truth. And for the first time all week, we’ll be in bed before 11:00.

Thanks, jinzi for your help. It means a lot knowing someone else out there has done this and is willing to offer a cyber-shoulder during the ordeal.

Comments

[beetiger.livejournal.com]

Much sympathy. We're still in the midst of the first round of helping Rhys learn to sleep, and we're still rocking/nursing to get him down. It's so hard. i wish you much luck in hoping she figures out how to settle down soon.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I was at the point where rocking, singing, etc., were too much to handle. She needed to learn this lesson. Of course, so did we. Other elements of discipline that we've encountered before have been nothing like this. She has a very sunny disposition, which probably explains that.

How old is Rhys again?

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I hope this experience helps you when it's your turn. That's really the point of writing it out like that. That, and occupying my hands so I don't go tearing off into her bedroom to comfort my baby.

[lousy-timing.livejournal.com]

I have to tell you that it's really hard to be thanked for something I know is one of the most difficult things a parent can do.

I think we are given challenges like this when they are babies because tough-love is harder when they are older. It is quieter, but in some ways, much, much more painful. We are merely being prepared for what lies ahead when we go through the cry-yourself-to-sleep heartbreak.

Ultimately, much good comes from all of the hard choices, despite the fact that it is impossible to believe that as you sit there during those moments of eternity. If you've never had the opportunity to see the episode of Mad About You where Paul and Jamie let their baby cry it out, it's worth watching. Of course, she was much to young to cry like that in my opinion... ;)

If the shower noises may have comforted her, consider turning a radio to static set at a low volume in her room at bedtime. White noise is one of the few things that would help Cole stay asleep, which is where we learned that trick. They actually started doing that at daycare for him and it helped the other babies nap, too. Side benefits for all!

All I want is for the other parents of the world to benefit from the heartbreak that was mine, so if this works for you, pass it on, and you're welcome. :-)

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I've read one discipline book recently that said something like that. It said incompetent parents worry about big things, like curfews, and how they're going to handle infractions when their kids are too old to be spanked. Competent parents know that these infractions will be rare, because they have trained their kids to comply with little things, and complying with big things will follow naturally after that. In other words, tough love when they're small leads to less tough love when they're big. I'm not sure I believe it entirely, but if it's true, it's nice to know that I'm laying the groundwork now for her obedience as a teen.

White noise - the air conditioner helps, but it costs a fortune to run it. It wasn't warm enough last night for it. I'll try the radio idea; it costs less in terms of the hydro bill.

One of the reasons I'm glad of a large social circle is that it gives me friends who have the life experience I need to draw on in times like this. Most of my high school/university friends are just getting pregnant now, which means this advice will be passed to many, many people over the next few years.

[anidada.livejournal.com]

*sigh* I don't envy you. I know there's no way I can handle Ferberizing the bunny, even taking into consideration the lack of sleep, and reading your post reminds me why -- that's exactly the scenario I imagine chez nous, and if I can't handle reading about it, I sure can't handle implementing it... *hug* I hope it all works out for all of you.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

The first night could have been a lot worse, all things considered. It only took an hour, even with the vomiting. I'm hopeful that she'll be well and truly worn out tonight, so it won't take as long.

It was my mom who decided me, though. She pointed out that there was a fine line between a child who was happy and got what was good for her, and a child who was spoiled and got things that she should not have had. I don't think we're spoiling Elizabeth in any other way, but the thought that the sleep thing might be spoiling her was what galvanized me to do something about it.

[sythyry.livejournal.com]

Heavens, heavens.... many hugs. I know this is horrible and hard to do. But she really does need to learn to sleep on her own, and easier now than later.

Best of luck to all of you.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

Thanks. Tonight should be easier. I'll probably write it out while it's happening tonight, as well, so we'll see.

[sassy-fae.livejournal.com]

I'm so glad that the second night went better, hopefully tonight will continue to see improvement. I too saw the Mad About You episode mentioned elsewhere, and even though it was a fake baby with fake parents, it was still emotional. By the end of the episode, the baby was asleep, but they don't show how they'd have to do it all over again the next night.

[velvetpage.livejournal.com]

I've never seen that episode. I don't think I want to see it until all of my kids are well past this stage. It makes me glad I'm not pregnant yet - I have a couple years to prepare for the next round of this!