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I talked to my mom.
Jan. 2nd, 2006 02:36 pmI expressed my dissatisfaction with several elements of last week's Christmas festivities at my cousin's house, including my concern that my cousins were buying for Elizabeth when I had not bought for their kids, and none of us could really afford it. (There are ten children of cousins, including Elizabeth; even going ultra-cheap at $10 each, that's a hundred bucks and a lot of time spent shopping and wrapping, for people we hardly ever see.) We're going to start the discussion soon regarding eliminating most gifts on that side of the family. I think I'll initiate the same discussion with my aunt on my dad's side. It's a difficult talk to have, especially with my mom's relatives, because I don't know them well or see them very much. But I don't want to continue the status quo into middle-childhood for my kids, and have them come to think that Christmas is all about presents. It is, and always will be, partly about presents; I don't want to eliminate them totally. But that's not the message I want them to grow up with, and if it's going to change, it has to be soon.
My mom told me that she looked at each of the websites I sent her, but her shopping for me was mostly done before I sent the email, so she didn't act on them. She nearly bought Poppa two hens and a rooster, though. :)
Thinking about how I'd change it if I could, and if everyone involved went along with me, I had a few ideas:
1) Bring money to the party, in whatever amount each family could afford, and use the money for a charity everyone could agree on. If the relatives on my mom's side could come up with five hundred dollars (which they could with no problem, judging by how much they spent on Elizabeth alone) that's a child sponsored through Foster Parents Plan, plus two chickens and a rooster to a different charity, plus a bit left over for the local food bank. Gifts, if offered at all, would be for children, would be joint so that each child received one or two gifts (not ten) and would consist of relatively inexpensive items.
2) Draw two names from two different jars - each person's name goes once into each jar - buy a gift for one and make a donation in the name of the other.
3) Eliminate the big party entirely. Instead, have everyone gather at the Salvation Army Men's Shelter (or a similar shelter) and help serve turkey dinner.
4) Variation on #1: Decide on one family within the group who are in particular need that year, and give all cash collected to them. Candidates this year could have included my cousin and his wife who is on mat leave. Change the recipient each year, and if everyone says they're not candidates that year, find someone outside the family to give it to.
The goal of all of these is to have us thinking, not just about our loved ones - most of whom are not hurting for material wealth, at least in my family - but about the world at large, and the joy of giving to people whose lives will be changed by it. I don't think any of this is going to happen anytime soon, but I'd like to start the trend towards this change.
My mom told me that she looked at each of the websites I sent her, but her shopping for me was mostly done before I sent the email, so she didn't act on them. She nearly bought Poppa two hens and a rooster, though. :)
Thinking about how I'd change it if I could, and if everyone involved went along with me, I had a few ideas:
1) Bring money to the party, in whatever amount each family could afford, and use the money for a charity everyone could agree on. If the relatives on my mom's side could come up with five hundred dollars (which they could with no problem, judging by how much they spent on Elizabeth alone) that's a child sponsored through Foster Parents Plan, plus two chickens and a rooster to a different charity, plus a bit left over for the local food bank. Gifts, if offered at all, would be for children, would be joint so that each child received one or two gifts (not ten) and would consist of relatively inexpensive items.
2) Draw two names from two different jars - each person's name goes once into each jar - buy a gift for one and make a donation in the name of the other.
3) Eliminate the big party entirely. Instead, have everyone gather at the Salvation Army Men's Shelter (or a similar shelter) and help serve turkey dinner.
4) Variation on #1: Decide on one family within the group who are in particular need that year, and give all cash collected to them. Candidates this year could have included my cousin and his wife who is on mat leave. Change the recipient each year, and if everyone says they're not candidates that year, find someone outside the family to give it to.
The goal of all of these is to have us thinking, not just about our loved ones - most of whom are not hurting for material wealth, at least in my family - but about the world at large, and the joy of giving to people whose lives will be changed by it. I don't think any of this is going to happen anytime soon, but I'd like to start the trend towards this change.