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[personal profile] velvetpage
I had a chapter concept earlier in the day. Now it's gone. I have approximately one hour in which I could possibly get something done on it, and the muse has left the building.

There are days, like today, when I hate being a slave to clocks, especially clocks that involve bells to divide up my day into headache-inducing class segments. I would have been much happier today to call in sick, stay home, and write. I would have accomplished a lot. Unfortunately, my day job is not the kind where being away is easy or comfortable. For that matter, I don't know of many jobs where that happens. I wish I could find one that paid well, though.

I just looked over the outlines I did yesterday for the next few chapters. They're good. They include everything that needs to be there up to the battle with the Dreamcarver. I'm thinking, though, that I shouldn't have written them. My general outline has become too prescriptive and it's fencing me in. I need to be able to take things out of the context of the book and just write scenes. If I know ahead of time exactly where the scene is going, that ceases to work.

I have a funny feeling I'm not going to write a word until Saturday. At least, not of my book. All my creativity seems to have been poured into a cool pre-history lesson. There's none left for the rest of my life.

I wonder if there will ever come a time in my life when I will be able to write seriously, for a good chunk of time every week, without having to hold down a full-time job to pay the bills? At this moment, it doesn't seem likely, but at this moment, I'm tired, my throat is sore and I'm feeling less creative than I have since before I started the book.

I think I'd be happy teaching part-time and writing the other part, if I could. I'd probably prefer teaching two or three days a week, supply, rather than an actual class for only half a day. The very idea of having six or more hours of creative time at a stretch has me in agonies of longing.

It's just about time to put the baby to bed. I think I'll follow soon after. This kind of mood is best put down as soon as possible.

May 2020

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