It has been pointed out to me that some people lose their layers, not so much through abandonment as through attrition - they fall away because the needs of their situation are so overwhelming that there's no room left for retaining old interests or friendships.
This was not really what I was getting at when I wrote that post. Needs change, and people change with them - sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, and usually in a direction you can't discern for certain until much later. The opportunity to be a whole, layered person is a valuable one, and I feel for those whose circumstances have denied them that. I think we make the best choices we can within our circumstances, and hope that in the long run, we'll be richer, better people for living up to the responsibilities and challenges we faced.
This is a very different thing from the willful abandonment of layers, solely because one has adopted a new one. There's a big difference between someone whose child's needs require every single iota of their attention for years on end, and someone who has a normal family life in a similar circumstance to their previous one, yet ignores their old pursuits anyway. The first is taking responsibility; the second is taking on unnecessary limitations to one's personality. The key word there is unnecessary.
I have enormous respect for those who undergo such life changes, and come through it on the other side as whole people, taking back what was theirs and incorporating it into the mature person they have become. I have very little respect for people who become spouses and stop hanging out with their single friends, even when those friends seek them out, or people who become parents and never talk about or do anything that isn't related directly to their kids. (Again, talking about and doing things with and for your kids is an excellent thing. But for most people of normal means, it shouldn't be all they ever do. It is, after all, only one layer.)
I hope that clarifies things a bit.
This was not really what I was getting at when I wrote that post. Needs change, and people change with them - sometimes for the better, sometimes for the worse, and usually in a direction you can't discern for certain until much later. The opportunity to be a whole, layered person is a valuable one, and I feel for those whose circumstances have denied them that. I think we make the best choices we can within our circumstances, and hope that in the long run, we'll be richer, better people for living up to the responsibilities and challenges we faced.
This is a very different thing from the willful abandonment of layers, solely because one has adopted a new one. There's a big difference between someone whose child's needs require every single iota of their attention for years on end, and someone who has a normal family life in a similar circumstance to their previous one, yet ignores their old pursuits anyway. The first is taking responsibility; the second is taking on unnecessary limitations to one's personality. The key word there is unnecessary.
I have enormous respect for those who undergo such life changes, and come through it on the other side as whole people, taking back what was theirs and incorporating it into the mature person they have become. I have very little respect for people who become spouses and stop hanging out with their single friends, even when those friends seek them out, or people who become parents and never talk about or do anything that isn't related directly to their kids. (Again, talking about and doing things with and for your kids is an excellent thing. But for most people of normal means, it shouldn't be all they ever do. It is, after all, only one layer.)
I hope that clarifies things a bit.