Musings on potential drama averted
Apr. 10th, 2005 02:17 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
velvetpageWell.
I had no idea when I posted on Saturday that my post would spark two potentially dramatic comments. Both have been, not only averted, but turned into positives. I'm grateful for that, and for the way two old friends seem to be reconnecting through me. There will be no nastiness, and new understandings have been reached.
I'm going to make another comparison.
Many years ago (about fifteen) I introduced my childhood best friend, Tara, to a high school friend, Heather. (Yes, she had the same name as my sister. Don't get them confused.) I thought they would get along wonderfully, but I turned out to be very wrong. Tara came across as boy-crazy; Heather came across as a snob. Neither ever wanted to see the other again.
The same thing could very easily have happened with me and![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
mizheekay. wggthegnoll and ruiskafleck were certain we would get along, but if we had met for the first time with no prior lj knowledge of each other, we would have rubbed each other the wrong way. We both have perfectionist tendencies; we both react to new social situations by going "on stage"; we both put forth a public persona that is so extremely confident and outgoing that it can be off-putting.
One of the major reasons I was so upset by what happened to me at school in December was that so much of what was said to me was true, and it was all a result of that social persona under stress. (If you don't know about this and want to, comment. That post has to be locked.) My social persona is hiding more insecurity than it used to, as a result. In many ways, that persona is what's left of me in high school. That used to be me - or at least, the extremely confident and competent aspects of my social persona really were me, fifteen years ago. They were hiding some insecurities even then, but they were not an act. Now, I consciously adopt them in certain situations. Friday night, I put on that persona because it fit the situation and because it reflected my anticipation and my happiness. It wasn't entirely an act. It wasn't even mostly an act. But neither was it all of me. I'm fairly certain the same thing was happening tomizheekay. Fortunately, we're both emotionally mature adults who recognized what was happening and chose to internalize the areas where we did get along.
This is just one more example of how lj has changed how I socialize. Overall, it's a good change. I think I'll keep it.
I had no idea when I posted on Saturday that my post would spark two potentially dramatic comments. Both have been, not only averted, but turned into positives. I'm grateful for that, and for the way two old friends seem to be reconnecting through me. There will be no nastiness, and new understandings have been reached.
I'm going to make another comparison.
Many years ago (about fifteen) I introduced my childhood best friend, Tara, to a high school friend, Heather. (Yes, she had the same name as my sister. Don't get them confused.) I thought they would get along wonderfully, but I turned out to be very wrong. Tara came across as boy-crazy; Heather came across as a snob. Neither ever wanted to see the other again.
The same thing could very easily have happened with me and
mizheekay. wggthegnoll and ruiskafleck were certain we would get along, but if we had met for the first time with no prior lj knowledge of each other, we would have rubbed each other the wrong way. We both have perfectionist tendencies; we both react to new social situations by going "on stage"; we both put forth a public persona that is so extremely confident and outgoing that it can be off-putting. One of the major reasons I was so upset by what happened to me at school in December was that so much of what was said to me was true, and it was all a result of that social persona under stress. (If you don't know about this and want to, comment. That post has to be locked.) My social persona is hiding more insecurity than it used to, as a result. In many ways, that persona is what's left of me in high school. That used to be me - or at least, the extremely confident and competent aspects of my social persona really were me, fifteen years ago. They were hiding some insecurities even then, but they were not an act. Now, I consciously adopt them in certain situations. Friday night, I put on that persona because it fit the situation and because it reflected my anticipation and my happiness. It wasn't entirely an act. It wasn't even mostly an act. But neither was it all of me. I'm fairly certain the same thing was happening to
mizheekay. Fortunately, we're both emotionally mature adults who recognized what was happening and chose to internalize the areas where we did get along. This is just one more example of how lj has changed how I socialize. Overall, it's a good change. I think I'll keep it.