Want to get drama out of a parenting community?

[velvetpage]

Ask if perpetuating a belief in Santa is lying, or is it okay for an eleven-year-old to still wholeheartedly believe in Santa.

Oy vey, the DRAMA. I know of at least two defriendings so far.

For the record: Being a Unitarian has really freed me up on this front, because I don't have to deal with, "If Jesus is real, why isn't Santa real?" I can truthfully say that Jesus (or God) is at least as real as Santa (possibly more) because they are both cultural myths whose purpose is to perpetuate certain core values - in fact very similar core values, though there are a lot of interpretations of Jesus that are expressing different ones. The story doesn't have to be literally true in order to contain valuable truth. In fact, its literal truth is irrelevant to its mythical truth. No one would ever think to argue that Aesop's Fables were literally true - but their value in perpetuating culturally-appropriate lessons is undisputed.

I'd like to see my kids make the gradual transition from believing all the parts of the story literally, to realizing that some of it is clearly not true, to realizing that its literal truth has no impact on why we do it. Santa is about charity, and love, and peace. He's a visual representation of those things. (We can de-emphasize the other things he represents in Western culture.)

Comments

[slinksgirl.livejournal.com]

I honestly do not understand why anyone cares if someone else's child believes in Santa. REALLY, WHO CARES????? Aren't there some formula feeders out there to criticize or something? People having elective c-sections? SPANKERS?

[zorinlynx.livejournal.com]

I can understand the various viewpoints.

What bugs me most though is how personally people take this stuff. Defriendings? I need to start handing out chill-pills!

[dagoski.livejournal.com]

Isn't eleven the age at which kids start to drop the belief anyway? Seems to me that inexorable progress towards young adulthood will take of the issue on its own accord. Meanwhile, the belief is probably just comforting to a kid who's becoming aware that everything he she understands about life is going to be overturned PDQ. I mean, at eleven, you're looking ahead at the sixth graders and seventh graders and something drastic has just happened to them, something that you have no real hope of understanding. Yet you understand that there's a sort of irresistible gravity pulling you down the well to adolescence whatever that actually is.. Besides, myths are never about objective truth. They're about the kinds of truths that go into lessons about how to live.

[r-caton.livejournal.com]

Pull 'em in on a 14-12... not believing in Columbus
(belief in Cleveland, Cincinnati and Toledo being optional)

[hendrikboom.livejournal.com]

And both the Santa and the Jesus stories were originally based on real people, and the stories got out of hand.

I told my children that Santa was a real person who lived about 1600 years ago and died, but that his work was so important that now a secret society exists to carry it on.

And maybe, someday, when they grow up, they'll be part of that secret society too.

This is pretty well the literal truth, dressed up in a story.

Before a certain age, they simply would not believe me.

[paka.livejournal.com]

Jeez, it's Santa Claus. Kids deserve some space for fantasy, and as much as we're completely and utterly encased in Santa-whatever come November, it's not like anyone's really pushing Santa on the kids.

[jadedissola.livejournal.com]

And this is why I skipped over that post. I just knew such a simple question was going to explode into massive wankery. (I tend to lurk there.) I also won't touch that spanking one with a ten-foot pole.

[cereta.livejournal.com]

You know, I look at the things people think you should give up as you age, and I think, Christ, no wonder no one wants to grow up in this country, when our vision of "grown up" is so bleak and boring.

Okay, granted, I'm usually thinking that in terms of things like fanfic and D&D, but it's part and parcel, you know?

[bodhifox.livejournal.com]

Aren't your children related to Santa? I've seen the pictures, and that dude? He IS Santa. Or Kris Kringle, whatever. I want him to come to my house and bring me things.

[morpheus0013.livejournal.com]

I popped my head in to read that post last night, and I'm ashamed to say this, but all I could do was laugh. It was mostly in a "good lords no" kind of way rather than a "ha ha" way, but holy crow. It made me wonder if basic psychology would just blow some minds in there.

[amazonvera.livejournal.com]

I don't really give a crap if people teach their kids about Santa or not, but

1) Saying that just teaching them about Santa is "lying" is ridiculous. Imagination and storytelling are essential to childhood.

2) People who jump through 27 back-bending hoops of extraordinary fiction to convince their doubting 8-9-10-11-12-year-old that Santa really is real kind of creep me out. At that point, it is a bit more like lying (which gets especially funky in a parent/adult-child relationship), and also walking a fine line toward attempting to forcibly stunt your child's natural maturation.

All, in all, I agree with your take on it. Santa's literal reality isn't essential to his value.

[kores-rabbit.livejournal.com]

Ah, instant drama. Santa is to Parenting Community as Mentos are to Diet Coke?

I made the Santa Realization around six or seven years of age. I wanted to believe and I recall feeling afraid that if I did not, I would no longer get gifts.

I do agree with the fable/mythos providing valuable life lessons to people. Be generous and giving and kind. People will like you. These are good qualities!

[lyricmaniac.livejournal.com]

I can see it both ways. I get what both sides were saying. So glad I wasn't around to respond in that thread.