Pieter - Me too. Let's play D&D or something.bootler
- lol, sure!
Pieter - Um... you are standing in a forest...bootler
- I attack the darkness!!
No, wait, getting ahead of myself...
Uhm. I start walking.
Pieter - You see a tree. rolls
It is a... rolls
... tall... rolls
... magical... rolls
... Sausage... rolls
- I stride forward and rolls attack it with a rolls and shuffles some paper
short sword. I rolls and curses
miss and stab my own foot
Pieter - The tall sausage tree rolls
is in flower. Save versus Pollen.
Tin Crawford - rolls) (double checks stats)
Pieter - Hmm. You are unaffected by the sausage pollen. The tall sausage tree stands silently, grim and unmoved by your foot-stabbing. Out of the corner of your eye, you spy a rolls
... green... rolls
- Somewhat hobbled, I glower as I limp my way towards the davenport. I sheath my short sword and pull a (checks equipment sheet)... roll of cloth out of my bag to serve as a makeshift bandage. I sit down and perform (rolls)... haphazard first aid on my foot.
Pieter - The Davenport attacks. What sort of armor you got?bootler
- (looks at equipment sheet) looks like a upturned pot on my head, leather chestpiece, and metal greaves +1
Pieter - Oh, you've played through the Chamberpot Chronicles, I see! Right... so, that gives you an AC of 3. (rolls) The Green Davenport bites you in the hindquarters as you sit down, dealing (rolls) 32 points of Subdual Cushion Damage.bootler
- I cry out in (rolls) more shock than pain as that cuts my HP by (double checks) a quarter. I leap up, pull out my short sword and (rolls) thrust the sword into the Green Davenport's cushions. (rolls) critical hit! I deal 40 Sharp Stabbing Damage
Pieter van Hiel - The Davenport spills crimson polyfill stuffing all over the forest floor, gabbling and gloaming forlornly as it shudders out its death throes. Searching the corpse, you find $1.76 in pennies and nickles in its belly, along with 3d6 broken crackers and the universal remote.
Silence falls on the forest.velvetpage
- My students want to know why I'm giggling through French class.bootler
- (writes down loots on sheet, rolls a 16 for number of broken crackers)
Munching one on of the crackers, I examine the universal remote. Curiously, I press the button for (rolls) "healing"
Pieter - The crimson polyfill glurms and schlurps back into the Green Davenport. It blinks its buttons, and then ROARS....bootler
- I give a high pitched shriek and reflexively press a random button on the remote. Looking down I see I've hit (rolls) video input
Pieter - The world flickers and shakes, and suddenly, you find yourself in a forest, looking at a female warrior with a chamberpot on her head, carrying a polyfill stained sword. You jump back - and so does she! But you find your view getting closer, nonetheless...bootler
- Horribly disoriented I close my eyes. "Who are you?" I demand of the female warrior.
Pieter - The female warrior (who looks strangely familar) seems be mocking you, mouthing your words as you say them. Also, you get even closer to her, and then..(rolls)... bite her very hard for (rolls)... 63 points of Subdual Cushion Damage.bootler
- (rolls an intelligence check; 18) finally cluing in to what has happened, I try desperately to push "video input" again and get back inside my own body. (rolls; 16)
Pieter - Hang on... are we playing 1st edition, 2nd edition or some unholy blasphemous variant of the game that was released after 1989? Peers over the DM screen at youbootler
- Uhm, 4th edition? holds up books
it's the only one I know!
Pieter - Oh, fer.... rolling high for Intelligence checks is bad! Except when it's good! Also, the lower your AC, the better. Perfectly sensible, I'm sure you'll agree. All right, I'm willing to allow the INT check success.
Hitting Video Input again, the world flickers and shakes once more, and then the forest is replaced by a crude stone hut. A deformed woman with red hair and coal black eyes approaches.
"Fred, did you put the sabertooth out for the night?"bootler
- (writes a few notes next to the skill check & AC area)
"Uhhhhmmmmm," I stare at the deformed woman in confusion. "Yes?"
Pieter - Terrible pain wracks your body as you answer the woman, as though you'd just been gnawed for 15 more points of Subdual Cushion Damage. She does not acknowledge your reply, but a horrible frog-like voice emerges from you...
"Awww, Wilma, me and Barney were going out to play pool!"bootler
- Panicking I lash out randomly with whatever weapon comes immediately to hand (rolls; 3). At the same time I press a button on the universal remote, with no idea what button it might be (rolls; 14).
Pieter - You wave your sword (not that you can see it) and miss by a wide margin. You mash the (rolls) Power button. You are standing in a silent forest next to an immobile Green Davenport and a menacing Sausage Tree. Searching the dead Davenport, you find nothing.bootler
- In a tremendous amount of pain, I take my paltry 10 hit points and shuffle a few feet away from the Green Davenport and Sausage Tree before sitting down on the ground. I rifle through my bag and (double checks equipment list) pull out a small healing potion. I drink it gratefully.
Pieter - A warm glow fills your body, and you feel as though angels are massaging your every limb. Wounds close, and bruises fade...
You heal (rolls) 1 point of damage.
Hmm. I probably should have rolled for the HP before describing it so elaborately.bootler
- (mutters under breath while updating my HP)
Resolving to be more cautious in the future - and breathing a prayer to Kord to look kindly on a lowly warrior - I continue hobbling my way deeper into the forest.
Pieter - Annnnnd, thus ends the Adventure of the Davenport, Part One. :)